A pen name? Or my real name?

I started out with a pen name, but eventually chose to work under my real name. Why? That’s a long story. One that forces me to tell you something about me. Personally. Something I rarely do.

I am a high sensitive, introvert man. Someone who will rarely say something about himself. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because I can’t imagine anyone is interested in what I do. The truth is, if you want to know about me, read my stories because that’s where I will most likely show you who I am.

I hide. That starts with the fact you will seldom see a picture of me. But it continues with the fact that I will most likely hide my true self from everyone except those closest to me. My parents probably know me. My children, do. Hopefully. And my wife?My entire life has been about being someone else, about not showing you my true self.

You might feel sorry for me. Or think it’s pathetic. Don’t worry. No need to feel sorry and it’s just another defense mechanisme. Reality is, that too many people exhaust me. I can be social for a while, but after that I’m literally sucked dry. I need a recharge and herefore it’s sometimes easier to block all those emotions out. Because a prolonged exposure to people (and their emotions) wear me out.

High sensitive

I could blame my high sensitivity for that, but the truth is more complicated, of course. I block out most of the emotions that exhaust me, anyway. I had to unlearn that trait, too, because every character I wrote was… Me. They were all the same. So, I had to open that wall to read people around me and learn their diversity. Today, my characters are different simply because I copy a trait from a person I know.

And yes. Some of those characters (even the bad ones), showcase my traits. The way Damon Royal acts, for example, in Children of Little Might. I could be that bastard.

So, I’m rather closed about myself (unless I write a story, strangely enough). It’s the only reason why I hid behind a pen name. But I’m not your average guy (as Monty says: I don’t want to be normal, I want to excel in something and in my case that’s weirdness), so I chose a not so average pen name. Peterand TheDragon. Why? Because, let’s be honest, my Chinese zodiac sign is a Dragon and I like Disney’s Pete’s Dragon. It’s just what I love (both the 1976 and 2016 movies, for clarities sake).

My publisher then told me it had a… Not so nice meaning, so I switched to Peter Dragon, but the issue of a sexual innuendo remained. So, what was I to do? Chose another name?

Or do something I would never even think of and go by my own name?

I finally chose for the latter. Because, maybe, I need to step up. I need to show the world who I am. Not because I want to be famous (I so much DO NOT want that), but because my book deserves it. My book is good enough to step into the light, under my own name, and with my face.

Now all I need to do is find a picture I like enough to showcase me. Another impossible task, I’m afraid.

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